It was a goal filled weekend in “the best league in the world” (Sky Sports ™) as every conceivable Halloween pun was wheeled out for your entertainment by every conceivable broadcaster.
Interestingly enough, Chris Waddle does resemble a pumpkin.
Incidentally, it dawned on me during the Manchester derby last weekend that the sheer scale of David Platt’s head is truly something beyond my comprehension. That massive suede isn’t so much the size of a pumpkin as a large space station. The ultimate trick or treat visit this weekend would have been from that enormous head.
David Platt: Enormous bonce
Speaking of Manchester City, they were booed off by their fans as they failed to score 14 goals in one half against Wolves. Things went to pieces for the visitors after the break as a series of goalkeeping mistakes from Hennessey cost them dearly. As a typical goalkeeper, as is this author, it was his defence’s fault, not his, but the reality is he had a poor second half. It’s the first game in a good while where City have had a massive struggle and Mick McCarthy will no doubt be delighted with some aspects of his team’s performance. Still no win in 7 for them though.
Meanwhile at the Hawthornes, West Brom manager Roy Hodgson was so outraged by his team’s ineptness that he hurled his coat on the floor, only to decide a few minutes later that it was too cold to go without, so put it back on. Hilarious levels of indecision. He was clear about the fact he didn’t think it was a penalty against Liverpool (who won 2-0), snapping at the pretty blonde from ESPN that he “didn’t need to watch it again, it wasn’t a penalty.”
Yes Roy, you owl faced incompetent, it was.
Surely time for another face-rub Roy?
Manchester United put their derby woes behind them with a 1-0 win at Everton as Javier Hernandez scored from one yard out as usual after being left totally unmarked. Hernandez, because this author refuses to refer to him as “Chicarito” and thinks players who have nicknames on the back of their shirts should be banned from football, knows where the net is [editor: see return of a goalpoacher] and United have missed him whilst he’s been injured. Everton meanwhile are now 16th and looking short of confidence.
The lunch time kick-off was an extraordinary goal feast at the Bridge, where Arsenal beat Chelsea 5-3. The game was 3-3 approaching injury time before John Terry tripped over his own forehead, allowing van Persie to walk around Cech to give the Gunners the lead. The Arsenal talisman (and only reason they are in the top half of the table) went on to thump a third in deep into injury time and, apparently, spark a Nazi storm with his celebration.
The world is going truly mad if people are getting offended by that. Some serious chips need to be removed from shoulders.
Speaking of which, Chelsea chairman Bruce Buck called on his team “to beat the crap out of Arsenal” following him and Abramho…Abramo…the Russian crook losing the vote on Stamford Bridge. Egg, meet face. Chelsea fans were apparently outraged that the plan was to bulldoze ten years of history. I just think that Bruce Buck is a child with a rich job. I bet he even gets to wear the driver’s cap on the team coach going to and from matches.
Nobody has scored more in the Premier League than van Persie in 2011
It was truly a Halloween horror show for Blackburn as they squandered a 3-1 lead to be draw 3-3 with Norwich City. The equaliser came in the last seconds as a second ball from a corner looped up in the air and eventually hit Steven NZonzi on his arm as he was appealing for a foul. Referee Mr Taylor deemed this to be a deliberate handball and awarded the penalty, which Grant Holt slotted.
Now, whilst it evidently wasn’t a penalty, NZonzi should have got a rocket in training yesterday for not playing to the whistle. He was too busy trying to win a free kick instead of kicking the football as far away from his own goal as possible, whilst in the 93rd minute.
Phil Dowd, who was demoted following his mystery sending off of Chris Herd last week, was busy gurning and wagging his finger at Elland Road for the Championship match against Cardiff on Sunday. I wonder if Mr Taylor will have the same fate?
After rejecting him on the grounds of his dodgy knee, Stoke City must be kicking themselves after Demba Ba came back to haunt them with a hat trick as wor Toon went 3rd in the table with a win at the Brittania. The “crock” has not, in fact, missed a game with a knee complaint since arriving in England (editor: and was strangely booed throughout by the Stoke fans, even though it was their own board’s decision not to sign Ba). A canny wee signing for Alan Pardew, the “Ashley patsy,” who Newcastle fans are now begrudgingly beginning to like. Mike Ashley definitely is!
Ba sticks it to Stoke's board & fans after being rejected & booed
Until next week then… sorry if I didn’t mention your team, it was either an uninteresting game or irrelevant. Like Wigan.
This article was written by Daniel Thomas. You can follow Dan on Twitter here.
