It’s that time of week again – our resident columnist Dan Thomas takes a (slightly cynical) look at the weekends English Premier League action. Take it away Dan…
Premier League Legend. R.I.P Gary Speed
Firstly, this author would like to pay tribute to Gary Speed. Gary Speed was a consummate professional as a footballer, and I had the privilege of watching him wreck a bet of mine once as he slotted a penalty in a Bolton vs Fulham match. I took in on the chance of a spare ticket. As a young manager he was building a blossoming career for himself and a very talented young team. He will be sorely missed and my condolences to his family.
In the officially trivial weekend of football, the main event was served up on a sombre platter by Sky Sports as Liverpool and Champions Elect 2012 Manchester City (Sky TM) went head to head in a pulsating clash at Anfield. Goals from City centre-halves Kompany and Commander Worf (the latter engaged a Charlie Adam shot and sent it past his own goalkeeper)settled this high octane encounter. City held on for a draw after a comical cameo from the Premiership’s great entertainer Mario Balotelli, whose 12-minute appearance was the least subtle event since the last time Richard Hammond was late for check in.
Slightly harsh or slightly stupid? Balotelli makes headlines for the wrong reasons. Again.
The less said about the Swansea City and Aston Villa match, the better. It was a hard game to abandon because of Villa’s travelling fans but needless to say that both teams didn’t want to play. Thought it ought to have been called off but I understand why it wasn’t.
The Robin van Persie sideshow came shuddering to a screeching halt as Arsenal were held to a 1-1 draw by a battling Fulham. The Dutchman has scored hatfuls of goals in recent weeks but Thomas Vermaelen scored at both ends as the Gunners lost momentum after a significant winning streak.
Bolton were unable to continue from their last home game (a 5-0 demolition of Stoke City) as they came unstuck at home, with ten man, to a pretty average Everton performance. Goals from Screech and the Greek substitute who keeps scoring goals, enough to get the Blues to two wins on the spin and the dizzy heights of 8th place.
Swansea City & Aston Villa pay their respects
Chelsea put their recent sticky spell behind them with a thumping 3-0 win over a Wolves team who made the criminal mistake of conceding an early goal. Juan Mata was again inspirational and scored the third goal on the day. John Terry was booked, ruling him out of the Liverpool (Carling Cup) game on Tuesday, a decision which made him attempt to eat the referee. Mick McCarthy mumbled something after the game about 100% commitment and nothing else being required.
The weekend’s comedy moment was doubtless at Old Trafford as a penalty was awarded against Manchester United at home for the first time since the Jurassic period when a Tyrannosaurus Rex was tripped when through on goal by a tenacious Velociraptor. Links to the Stone Age were also uncovered, but Wayne Rooney was too busy being largely anonymous to comment. Hapless official Mike Jones, he of beachball fame, decided that he would stick with the decision of his equally hapless linesman to give a penalty for a terrific challenge by Rio Ferdinand.
Ferdinand. Merked by the ref.
Ferdinand was last seen muttering “merked” to himself as Demba Ba converted the fortuitous spot kick for Newcastle United, which in itself was no more fortunate than the hosts’ triple deflected goal. The Toon keep on ticking away. Ferguson was last overheard planning a course of concrete boots for the linesman who “should never get a game again” according the supposed Knight of the Realm.
In the battle of the promoted teams, Norwich City maintained their impressive home form with a win against QPR, who have three away wins to their name this season already. Neil Warnock blamed the plunging temperatures and the price of coleslaw in Marks and Spencer for his team’s defeat. It’s mid-table comfort for two of the bookmakers favourites to go down.
Life got no easier for Brad Friedel clone Steve Kean as a horrendously out of form Stoke City walloped Blackburn Rovers 3-1. Rovers had competed well until Rory Delap stooped to conquer a free kick. From that moment on, Rovers chickened out. Speaking of chickens, Steven NZonzi was throwing his elbow around like a UFC fighter, with two red card swings not punished. Rovers, though, were as a deflected Glen Whelan goal and a low Crouch drive piled the pressure onto Kean. A late Ruben Rochina stunner might yet make goal of the month.
Steve Bruce’s sizeable head is on a platter as Sunderland bombed an early lead to incredibly lose at home to the Premier League’s (former) basement team, Wigan. Manchester United reserves sealed their own fate when a late Wes Brown screw up allowed the rank bad Franco Di Santo to swoop on a rare chance to seal the win for the visitors. To be fair to Bruce, unlike a certain mentor of his, he came out to take the defeat on the chin and spoke to the press. Which is unsurprising, as it is the size of a small continent.
Nowhere to hide for Steve Bruce. His P45 may well be on its way.
West Brom‘s recent poor form continued as they lost a 1-0 lead against resurgent Spurs, who continue to win games in spite of the fact they aren’t actually that good. Man City’s Emmanuel Adebayor did the damage here as two goals were enough to put them third, just two points behind Manchester United. Roy Hodgson’s coat was last seen flying in the direction of Peter Odemwingie, who has had the nerve to be injured recently.
But who is he to argue with the man who won the John West Tuna Chunks Trophy in 1976?
Until the next time then….
This article was produced by Daniel Thomas. For more from Dan, you can follow him on Twitter here.
